Anatomy of Desi (Pakistani) Weddings
The front sofa sitters
They are basically comprised of the most influential people of the family. Well they can solve issues ranging from Kashmir dispute to subvert Talibinization to National Health Care Program for the US to famine across South Africa to what not.
They also happen to foresee and foretell that US of A would soon invade Iran and other morbid to-happen stuff. Yeah what the think tanks can not do is done in there. High IQ's , even higher egos. They are the first ones you are supposed to say your Salam to. And it doesn't end there. It is mandatory for you to narrate all your "pragmatic" career plans and how enthusiastic you are about it.
Once they are satisfied, you have to keep sitting to listen very engrossingly for their precious ideas on how-to-make-the-world-a-better-place until they are completely devoid of your existence. Then you get up quietly and move to the next in the row.
The owners of A graders
For people like me, they are the wrath of God. I as a matter of fact grew up hating them. These kinds don't even care about exchanging pleasantries. All they want to share with you is that how well their most intelligent and bright kid has have done in his/her recent exams. How much he is expected to get a position AGAIN.
Oh and by the way that kid also happens to be spectacular in extra circular activities, s/he has won many inter school/college/university and international competitions and where s/he secured the second place well, the jury was biased there. Not only that, the kid is also very well behaved, gentle and immune to any puckishness [read: no fun, plain bore]. They have the world goodest (?) kid in the world.
Oh and by the way whenever you visit such kinds place, they are quick to tell their bright kid to show his/her mark sheet filled with A's and the numerous certificates they got. And the kid with the full fledge grin come running to you with piles of paper which you are supposed to look at with you {struggling) smile and then throw a considerable amounts of flattery to show how tamed you are, after learning the innate brilliance of the kid. Subsequently, on the way back home, on every day of your results and every day of your misdeed, the A grader example is cited to insult your vanity.
Well frankly speaking, I only nod in response to the A graders' family outrageous flaunt and leave whenever I get my golden chance.
25-years-marriage-must-syndrome people
They are mostly found in the mid table-from where the view is vivid and clear, laughing out loudly, commenting on the others, showing concern on the rate of divorce and the unmarried girls sitting at homes waiting for good proposals. If you happen to be single and have crossed the digit 18, beware you are their favourite part of the meat. They are anxious for your mother's arrival to get to know whether you have complete studies or how many years to go. And then accordingly they start their enlightened talk on the importance of the institution of marriage. For them maturity or qualification don't really matter as it all up to Allah.
After all they themselves got married at the age of sweet 16, and see how well they brought up their kids who are settled abroad and now they are free from any responsibility. And now their aim of life is to get every girl on this planet before she reaches the danger age of 25. As after 25 you don't get proposals at all. Excellent convincers they are. Your mother remains charmed for days afterwards. And you in severe neurotic disorder.
The curious case of snoopy mothers and sisters
Well if you happen to be an only child or daughter or from a rather well off family then you are in big trouble. They are hunting for thou. No you can't avoid them. They are going to get you anyway. They will welcome you wholeheartedly, ask you questions in a very friendly manner, of which they already had answers provided by their "network." And right after in their same gracious expression they don't hesitate to divulge about their son/brother who is a "has-been-A-grader" (explicated earlier) and presently working in a multinational company is single and ready to get mingle. Your mother who had freshly learned the 25-years-marriage-must doctrine becomes more engaged in the conversation. And you with your head bent, trying to stop yourself turning all red, pray for 7.1 Richter scale earth quake!
Ruffled relatives
You are only supposed to listen in their company. They are not happy people. They like to reside in the state of ailment for various reasons. For instance, if they are not called for getting pictured videoed with the bride, if they were informed late about the wedding, if they were not sought for the advice regarding wedding chores, if they weren't granted the amount of respect they deserved in the wedding and you can imagine the rest.
They will vent out all the vexation of the hosts on you. And expect you to nod and say that they are right on their part.
Love birds finally to their nest
They are usually found in couples. They are keen to tell the world their story of love, determination and subsequently a long-battle-fought-with-their-conservative-parents. They are capable of narrating their fairy tale umpteenth times. They are so much in the clutches of their wedding event as very unwittingly everything in the present ceremony reminds of their big day. And yeah how BETTER it was with this one.
You don't need to put much effort to vanish from the scene. They are only interested in you till they are finished with their story of love, determination and subsequently a long-battle-fought-with-their-cruel-parents.
The family bullies
They are the ones which make you beg God to pardon murders. They are the ones who bring out the wrecking instincts in you. They are the ones who broke all your toys, beaten you, always make you to do fielding all day while playing cricket and all other types of oppression one can do in childhood.
They are mostly found in gangs. They have innate caliber of making of anything on/ about/related/belonging to you. No matter how sophisticated you look, they can coin very "interesting' names for you in micro seconds.
They only good thing about the family bullies are that they can make suicide fancy for you. wedding ceremony www.pakpositive.com